I know my "Y" and sure about X.

X is something worng which I always think that when there is something wrong, I just be quiet and let them forget it. But it's wrong. Strong suit must give result but this is not.
Harrrr...
Got it. I'm pretending to be nice cover the wrong thing.

I just found my Y today while I was taking shower. "Y" is "I'm not belonged" and when I'm not belong, I make a decision that I'm not good enough. From this, I always buy a lot of books, study as much as I can (I mean the tutorial :P ), all equipment must be at hand, etc. Many things proving that I'm not good enough.
The same as this time that I'm gonna be a coach. I think that I also review the Forum again..... It doesn't inspired me at all.

Soooo what is my new possibility???
My posibility that I create for myself and my life is a possibility of "ชัดเึจน" in every area of my life.

How about "Z"????
Z is I have to be on my own. Do I have it yet????
Yes I do. I can do it. I say that without thinking that is it possible or not. That's why I'm always in "doing mode". Yea, doing mode is using me ALL the time....


How about my racket??
I use positive thinking cover all the racket. That's why I don't have much. I just say that "it just the way it is and accept the way it be without fixing or changing it" That is why I don't feel sad when I'm not reach my goal.

Yea yea, I found my racket and more sure about my strong suit

I'm not complete and using X again.

Yesterday, I said that I'm gonna be a seminar leader in Living Passionately #5 session 8. I said that I wanna transform people around me but I still be inauthentic with the course, being leader of the group and being nice with my friend and new possibility that I'm gonna create for myself and my life is a possibility of being leader and owning the course.

After class, J'Chu said that she wanna talk with me after group meeting. Then I found J'Chu was talking with P'Si so I joyed the conversation. She said that how come can I said like that. I'm not even responsible to myself and my family how can I be a stand for others????? So I said fine!!! I'm not gonna be a leader if she think of me in that way.

On the way back dorm, I still have sth with J'Chu even though I have nothing to say. (may be my personal test is too stronge) But HEY!!! I'm really not complete with her.

This morning, I said that I'm not gonna ask money from my family any more, I'm gonna be on my own. Now, I'm sooo serious that is this gonna be my "Z" suit so I talk with P'Jum and she said that it could be and there is no way to change that. The only way is to follow my being if it change in that way. Is this gonna be my "Z" suit??? I don't know if it's good or bad but is it time to have "Z" suit?????? Is it time for me to be on my own???

Anyway, I know that I'm using my "X" suit by being quite and let the time help which it doesn't work. I know I should talk to her. I know that I should tell her my new way of being. But I'm not dare enough. I'm a coward.

My personal test is sooo stronge

Today, I told J'Nee that I never share anything with her. From now, any break through of mine, she will know.
Before that, I was so shy to say that even she is my sister. After my conversation, there is nothing. She said, "Yes, that's what she expected. She want to hear everything from me." I was shocked but I'm glad having her as my sister

Love J'Nee just the way she is :)