Yesterday, I said that I'm gonna be a seminar leader in Living Passionately #5 session 8. I said that I wanna transform people around me but I still be inauthentic with the course, being leader of the group and being nice with my friend and new possibility that I'm gonna create for myself and my life is a possibility of being leader and owning the course.
After class, J'Chu said that she wanna talk with me after group meeting. Then I found J'Chu was talking with P'Si so I joyed the conversation. She said that how come can I said like that. I'm not even responsible to myself and my family how can I be a stand for others????? So I said fine!!! I'm not gonna be a leader if she think of me in that way.
On the way back dorm, I still have sth with J'Chu even though I have nothing to say. (may be my personal test is too stronge) But HEY!!! I'm really not complete with her.
This morning, I said that I'm not gonna ask money from my family any more, I'm gonna be on my own. Now, I'm sooo serious that is this gonna be my "Z" suit so I talk with P'Jum and she said that it could be and there is no way to change that. The only way is to follow my being if it change in that way. Is this gonna be my "Z" suit??? I don't know if it's good or bad but is it time to have "Z" suit?????? Is it time for me to be on my own???
Anyway, I know that I'm using my "X" suit by being quite and let the time help which it doesn't work. I know I should talk to her. I know that I should tell her my new way of being. But I'm not dare enough. I'm a coward.
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